Dirty Old Man or Double Standard? by Gregory Purvis

This week’s XSEX LOVE LETTER is a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion about:

Dear XSEX: I have a friend (a male friend) who turned 40 in August. He recently started dating the daughter of a girlfriend of mine (who is also an old friend of his, as we all went to high school together). My friend’s daughter just turned 19. This bothers me, though it doesn’t seem to bother my girlfriend, as her daughter has had a string of abusive relationships with men–boys–her own age. My male friend says I’m being a busybody and age doesn’t matter. He also says I’m a hypocrite as I’m dating a younger man (I’m 39 and he is 27). Is this double standard really that common?  -May/December Mom (Dallas, TX)

This is a sex blog, Mom, not Jerry Springer or Dateline: To Catch A Predator. I’d love to provide you with some facts and figures, but it’s a double standard in that department, most definately. The wise MILFS at Good Housekeeping Online (God, I cannot BELIEVE I actually visited that site. I need a shower, I feel so dirty) say that 12% of marriages are between older women and younger men, according to the 2000 U.S. Census. I tried to double-check their figure and get the older men/younger women marriage figure, but the facts at the Census website were as dense and cold as an iceberg and about as interesting as watching a documentary on paint drying. I know better than to expect Good Housekeeping to provide figures on older men and younger women. Them are fightin’ words over at GH. 

Their article (which seems to talk a lot about Hollywood May/December romances, big surprise there, right?) reports: “But even in the sexual playground of the movie biz, the reverse matchup — an older woman with a younger man — has always seemed somewhat shocking. ‘It challenges our basic, narrow perception of what a couple should be,’ notes Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a human-sexuality expert and author of The First Sex: The Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World.  My God, I cannot WAIT to read that book. I’m sure it’s fascinating.

Since GH and the U.S. Gov’t weren’t giving me any juicy info, I tried just typing “old men and younger women” into Microsoft’s new Bing “Decision Engine”, because–apparently–it’s supposed to be more intuitive and search overload is killing America according to Bill Gates. Well, Bing gave me no bling. All I got out of it was page after pathetic page of porn and dating sites that promised to introduce me to younger women “in my area”. So I suppose it’s safe to say that there are WAY more older men/younger women relationships, May/December Mom.

But your friend is 40 and the girl is 19, huh? Well, as I man I cannot help but mentally wish him luck. After all, men are pigs. Oink Oink, bitch.

But, seriously, OF COURSE there is a double standard! But the MILFS at Good Housekeeping can’t have it both ways! If it’s good enough for the goose it’s good enough for the gander. (What the hell is a gander? I hope it’s a male goose, because otherwise that statement didn’t come out the way I wanted it to).

Now, that does NOT mean that this guy isn’t a dirty old man. Let me be VERY clear on this. In fact, if he is anything like my friends, he most certainly IS a dirty old man on some level. I will warn you: he is going to make the excuse that “she’s legal”…and technically he is correct. It might shock you to learn that in MANY states, “legal” can be younger than 18. You can get married at 16 in many states, and even YOUNGER if you are pregnant and/or have parental permission. I’m not going to tell you what states have these rather liberal laws, because I live in one and I’m sick of getting made fun of because all the stupid laws we still have on the books here. Let’s just say that many of the states in question are in the South. Yee-ha. The youngest girl I know of that got married (legally, and was not part of a Mormon wife-n-daughter club) was 14, and the proud husband was 25. I do not recall (since I was drunk at the nuptials) if a shotgun was involved. I am fairly certain that the flower girl was the bride’s 8 year old sister, and she became an aunt four short months after the ceremony.

So WHY do men seek out younger women? I’m not even going to answer that. If it isn’t obvious, you’re an idiot. Most of these men will probably try to tell you how mature their teenage girlfriend is. What do you EXPECT them to say? I’ve never ONCE heard any guy say: “My teenaged girlfriend acts so immature! I wish she’d grow up!”



2 Comments so far
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Love your post. I have a friend who is 42 and his girlfriend will be 21 soon. I laughed at first. I know he loves wine, but in certain restaurants she could not drink and they would not be able to enjoy wine together.

Another factor is his son, who will be 18 soon. That makes it even more weird. But then again – men are men.

Not sure how long this romance will last, but eventually a 42 year old twice divorced man with two older children might just have conflicts with a girl who can’t rent a car.

I remember being young and being pursued by older men. I always knew why, so I never took it too seriously. She and he seem to be serious, but then again – pit bulls seems like great pets until they bite you.

Comment by sapphirecomrie

Dear sapphirecomrie:
Thanks for your comment! (https://xsex.wordpress.com “Dirty Old Man or Double Standard?”)…hope you continue to read!!!

Greg and Jane

Comment by Gregory Purvis

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