Young Lover, Old Lover: The Double Standards of Love by Gregory Purvis

Recently, Jane and I have both been talking to our friends about a series of emails we’ve received c/o XSEX. Originally, XSEX was supposed to be more of an e-zine (electronic magazine). We had planned to have a lot more photos and tons of regular features, as well as an interview per issue ( a la Playboy: artists, writers, musicians, etc.). Each “issue” would be posted on the first day of each month, with nothing further until the next month except for letters, which we agreed to answer personally and post immediately. Well, that didn’t work for any number of reasons, all of which are so boring that reading the actual list might help those who suffer from premature ejaculation by physically BORING them from coming. Now, this might seem rather ambitious. It was. Which is why XSEX is still a sex blog.  But some of those hyper-ambitions have bled thru, and we’ve kept the idea of doing a Q&A thang. This is “Love Letters & Hate Mail” (where people email in comments for good or ill) and “I’ll show you mine (if you show me yours)” (for Q&A topics, some of which we want to answer in a his-n-hers style to compare and contrast how men and women look at things differently (or the same). To this end, we’ve had a few pretty interesting questions and comments come through. Recently, however, we’ve been talking a lot in private and online about May/December romance. This is a quaint, romanticized way of saying an old man (or woman) dating a (much) younger woman (or man). Strangely, not only have we had a few recent emails asking our opinions on the subject, but we’ve both had close friends become involved with much younger lovers recently, as well.

Greg: The thing is, I think there’s a lot of hypocritical double-standards at work here. And the double-standard seems to change depending on your age, sex, and how much money you have squirreled away for lawyers or to pay off angry parents. This kind of double-standard really pisses me off, to be blunt. Not that I’m a big fan of any double-standards, but when money is the pivot-man my blood pressure is pretty much guaranteed to spike. When I was younger (and unconcerned about blood pressure spikes) my friends called my angry diatribes “raging”…as in, “Watch your mouth, Todd. Greg’s fixing to rage. Somebody said Jim Morrison was a faggot.” Not that all or even most of my rages were about petty things like the Lizard King’s sexuality…this is just an example. Anyway, double standards SHOULD piss EVERYBODY off, in my humble opinion.

But they don’t. For example: remember all the pretty 30-something teachers that were fired and slapped on the wrist by the courts for sleeping with their young teenaged male students? During the 90’s it seemed every other sexually frustrated teacher was trying it. Which shows you how smart they were…I mean, come on! If they’re THAT hard-up, why go to a 15-year old high school sophomore for servicing? I’ll admit it: at 15 I was about as sexually gifted as a learning-disabled nun. AND ANY GUY WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN MORE IS JUST A LIAR! Come on! At 15, you’re just happy to see some “boobies”.

Jane: Ok, G, I get your point. Calm down, count to ten. Take a Xanax. I think the most infamous of those hot-for-teacher gals was Mary Kay Letourneau. And I pretty much totally agree with you on this score. This woman was married and had 4 kids, and she threw them (and her career) away for a 12-year old boy. Even worse, she had been his second grade teacher as well, so who knows when/how/where the “inappropriate touching” started. Check out the wikipedia entry for Mary Kay. There’s a LOT of weirdness in her family that has nothing to do with her sexual proclivities…and some stuff that may have A LOT to do with them (her father, a U.S. Congressman, John Bircher and uber-Republican, had his own teacher/student scandal–though the young lady in question wasn’t in the sixth grade). But her father’s behavior brings up that nasty double standard again. Let’s face it: if it was Mary Kay’s crotchety old daddy getting down and all around with a 12-year old GIRL it would be another thing entirely. And that’s actually pretty ignorant. In the end, Letourneau had to do 6 months in county jail…hmmm. I wonder what her dad’s sentence would have been for the same offense? Of course, she got booted right back to jail for parole violations when she was caught parking with her teen lover. Even so, the sentence was pretty much a joke. And she treated the criminal justice system like a joke, since she ended up having a baby while in prison and marrying the (now technically adult) teen as soon as she was released and could wiggle out from under the court order forbidding her from seeing her “man”. But despite the fact that I agree with you, G, I want you to ADMIT IT.

Greg: Uhm…what?

Jane: ADMIT that there’s a little teeny-weenie part of you that is cheering on this kid–and has been, the whole time.

Greg: Well, sure…that’s a double standard, too, I guess. I mean, I am much more concerned with the fact that our laws seem to be quite flexible depending on your sex, your social standing, and how much of a war chest you have for lawyering-up. But I guess the pig in me wants to put on Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher”, buy the kid a beer, and ask him how it was, you know, slamming the teacher into the headboard of his bunk bed.

But I guess he’s probably not old enough to drink, is he?


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