19 Condoms and Counting by khemistry

Sometimes, as a writer, even an opinionated asshole writer, you have to practice a certain amount of self-censorship. Take this post, for example. Its original name was “19 Abortions and Counting”…but that was, admittedly, a little harsh. So I practiced some sensible self-censorship and changed the title. Mainly because the TV reality show I’m referring to (“19 Kids and Counting”) deals with the cutesy-pie named Dugger family, who apparently refuses to stop breeding. But it’s not really the Lil’ Dugglings that are at fault. So I thought equating the name of the show with abortion might not be in the best taste. Equating them with a 20-pack of Trojans seemed much more…well…tasteful.

The thing that really jerks my johnson about this show is that its very existence seems to say, “Hey, folks! Having 19 kids is not only socially responsible, but it’s kinda cute, too!” These people have been turned into celebutantes [my word for the modern American aristocracy of celebrity wherein you can become celebrated and famous (or infamous) simply by becoming well-known, regardless of the innate “right” or “wrong” nature of the reason(s) for becoming well-known] simply because they have decided to routinely squirt Dugglings out into the world.
From one perspective, it seems a little scary. Without much effort, I could write a screenplay for a horror movie with this same basic plot. By replacing cute little Mormonesque kids who all have names that begin with the letter “J” (my favorite Duggling name is Jedidiah) with midget werewolves, I might just have the next summer blockbuster.
From another perspective, the Dugglings are JUST DARLING. The people that share this particular outlook are just as horrifying to me as the thought of a family of cannibals raising a pack of midget werewolves. I’m just really honestly confused at how having 19 kids is heroic or admirable…or even INTERESTING.
You wanna do something heroic? Send Mr. Dugger a box of condoms.
Damn, man! Stay away from your poor wife for awhile!
Masturbate. Take up macrame. Play a fucking video game. Take a cold shower. SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Just don’t make it 20. Please.


3 Comments so far
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The guy should have ‘released the pressure’ viewing nice chicks then less than 19 kids would be the case.


Comment by Alan

PLEASE DON’T READ THIS,YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST POSSIBLE FRIDAY BY THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE.TOMMORROW WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. NOW YOU’VE STARTED READING THIS, DON’T STOP , THIS IS FREAKY. 1. Say your name 10 times. 2. Say you……r mom’s name 5 times. 3. Say your crush’s name 3 times. 4. Paste this to 4 other people. If you do this, your crush will kiss you on the nearest Friday, but if you read this and do not paste this, then you will have very bad luck! SEND THIS TO 5 PEOPLE IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOU’RE DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSH’S NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT WORKS

Comment by FREAK

I don’t have a crush. Sorry. I’m not 12.

Comment by Gregory Purvis

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