August 16, 2014, 2:50 am
Filed under: Opinions: You Show Me Yours

I have pretty much always accepted homosexuality.  Mainly because I really don’t have a problem with it.  Except for one thing: it has always pissed me off that the homosexual community seems to be totally okay with bi’s. I mean, come on people! In 99 percent of the cases, Jax has your back! I am willing to bet that I am at least 67.3 percent (I’m into percentages) freakier than you–and if some straight people bothered to consider things like: “Hey! Why do we hate gays? Because they like to scissor…give rim jobs…have anal sex? WHAT IS IT WE HATE? Their better sense of fashion and color coordination?  The fact that some of the lesbians can kick our asses?  A verse in Leviticus? The gay man’s propensity for incredible abs and an awesome, square jaw, with just the right…ahm…anyway, why do we hate them? WE are freakier!” Well, I am. I let my freak flag fly all the time.  When I’m sleeping it’s flying high!

But bi’s: get off your maybe-sore, maybe-not asses and pick a damn side you greedy bastards! Here is my theory: if you are gay, great! Welcome to Team Homo. If you are not, it’s Team Hetero for you. Bi’s are either unable to pick a side to play on, or greedy.  Or they just don’t want to admit to gay acquaintances that they’ve been faking being “kinda gay” to get free fashion advice and cool friends.

I love my gay peoples. I love my str8’s. I love my freaks. But leave some sex for the guy on the corner who talks to an invisible dog he calls Bodean and smells like old cheese. Nuts need to get a nut too.